One of the most frequently asked questions we get is, “how was it going from 2 kids to 3?!” Really though, 1 to 2 kids was the biggest challenge for us as a family (even harder than 0 to 1!!!!). It tested our patience, and stretched us to our thinnest. It also brought us a fulfillment that is hard to explain with words.
I think – actually I know that our transition from 1 to 2 was pressurized by the fact that our second came 6 weeks early and had an unexpected NICU stay from there. While it was thankfully short lived, we faced many struggles for that first year and the adjustment. From feeding issues (he had a feeding tube while in the NICU), breathing issues (was on a nebulizer on and off that first year), and a compromised immune system from being premature that lead to him catching everything under the sun and making us more cooped up at home.
Prior to becoming preemie parents, we thought we had a good routine. Conner was just under 2 and we had established his day to day, hour by hour pretty much down to a science. I figured I’d still have time to work (I have always worked from home since he was born, running my own business) and eventually I’d get him and Cole to sync their naps. Well, my expectations were way too high…but there’s hope! Things will definitely be a little hectic (I’m really trying hard to not use the word ‘chaotic‘ in this post, I’m just about there though lol) at first but you will find your groove.
Here are a few things that helped me in balancing and taking on the new title of “mom of 2”.
Ask For Help…and then ACCEPT it.
I was (probably still am to some extent) so hard headed when it came to getting things done on my own. Having c-sections, help is definitely necessary. You’re not supposed to lift anything heavier than your baby, but obviously the more kids you have (and if you have a partner who works as much as mine), you might have to get creative if help isn’t an option. As moms, we power through things, no doubt, but I *highly* recommend making arrangements for extra hands if you can. Your mom, dad, mother in law, father in law, coworker, sister, cousin, BFF – ask. AND if/when they offer, just say “okay, yes, thank you!!”. You’ll thank your own self later.
Establish a Schedule
This will take time. Your newborn isn’t going to be on one from day 5. It will take time. It will take a lot of trial (and maybe even some error). Getting all 4 of our babies on a schedule around 3-6 months was a game changer. They will start to get used to these times of day too – they are tired around the same times and will expect certain routines once they’re old enough and/or sleeping the night. Yes, this may mean you’re bound to the house a little bit more but I promise it is worth it. When Colly was born we had 3 older kids with very busy schedules between school and sports. She had to go with the flow from the time she came home from the hospital. She was forced to skip naps or stretch bedtimes here and there but when we were home we kept it very consistent. Life has to go on once you have other kids and you bring home a baby, so just keep that in mind too.
Plan One on One Time with Oldest/Other Kids
Your time will now be divided, that’s obvious. When you can, make sure you still carve out that one on one time with your oldest (or older kiddos) whenever the window of opportunity presents itself. If you know your new baby will be going down for a nap, maybe you want to use that time for yourself and that’s fine – but maybe pick the next day during nap time to build blocks or play outside with your older kiddo. There are so many things you can do from home – imaginative play, baking (my personal fave), reading, etc to get in that special one on one time still while the baby is having downtime.
Meal Prep
This was something I really focused on before I had Colly – I knew prior to having her (and having a c-section at that), I’d be away for a few nights and wanted my family to still be able to eat and not scramble. I love these containers for easy re-heating and cleaning (microwave and dishwasher safe). Something that was a huge help to me too was any time we had left overs that could be frozen, I made sure to store these as back ups for when I was home and getting used to the adjustment.
Lower Expectations
This is another I struggle with because I am so Type A, but lowering expectations during these transitions is necessary. You’re amazing, but you can’t do every. single. thing. Give yourself grace (+ time!) and things will smoothen out as time goes on. It’s unrealistic and can really put unnecessary pressure on yourself if you think, “once I pop this baby out I’m going to….!” or “well my first baby did this at this time, this next one will too!” – trust me #beenthere. The thing is you will do whatever it is you intend to do, IN TIME. Just don’t beat yourself up trying to get there in a rush. For example, Conner was in his crib sleeping the night by 3 months. When that didn’t happen with Cole, I thought it was all of my fault and something wrong with what I was doing. Every baby is different. Oh, and for the record- baby number 2, 3, AND 4 did not go into their own room/crib until 6-7 months. Every baby is different!
Invest in Magic Erasers
Kinda goes without saying. Even if your kids aren’t coloring on the walls while you’re feeding the baby, they’re just nice to have on hand if/when something epic does go wrong.
Hide The Scissors
I mean…. I never thought it would happen to me. True story: I went downstairs to switch the laundry while the boys were watching a show and newborn Honey was napping. Conner (4) snuck into the bathroom drawer where we kept hair sheers and cut off two big chunks of Cole (2)’s hair. Toddlers. They’re capable of a lot in literally .2 seconds.
Baby Wear
I understand it’s not for everyone, but it was a huge help for me after I had Cole. I never really baby wore with Conner so it wasn’t something I thought I’d do with #2 and I was so wrong. I remember being extremely stressed and asking my girlfriends who each had 2 kids at the time, “how am I going to go to the grocery store (before there was online ordering/drive up) with BOTH boys? I don’t know how I’ll fit them both in the cart and my groceries, too, ALONE!?!!” One of them said- get your wrap! I had bought one just in case and it came in handy for these times.
Emergency Bag + First Aid Kit
Having one of these handy in the car/on the go was so helpful to me as a new mom of 2. We still keep one in the trunk of my car just in case! My ER bag has things if we ever get stuck – a little cash, things to keep the kids entertained (hot wheels, small coloring books, wikkistix, etc), a lifestraw, and a change of clothes for each kid. First aid kit is kinda self explanatory – you never know when someone will randomly *need* a bandaid.
Pick Your Battles
Something I accepted then and still accept now – it’s physically and mentally not possible to control everything that’s going to happen. I clearly remember when Cole was brand new (and a handful) and Conner wasn’t even 2 yet and our mornings were pretty hairy. One morning Conner had snuck an Oreo from downstairs while I was tending to his baby brother and my first reaction was “OMG!!! NO!!!” but then I just had to laugh. It was pretty dang cute and something I will literally never forget. Would I have let him eat that for breakfast? NEVER. But, I knew that it was one of those things that was kind of out of my control at that very moment and I chose to laugh it off (and of course told him “we don’t do that!”) rather than actually having a real mama meltdown over it. These days picking my battles usually means letting Honey wear her Elsa dress for the 3rd day in a row and caving into some extra screen time when I need a moment. Again, I’ve learned not to beat myself up over EVERYTHING.
Don’t Stress or Force Sibling Love
I feel like we got exceptionally lucky, but each baby we had the kids were completely smitten and never expressed jealousy. I know it’s probably not the norm, but I feel like it helped that we prepped them as much as we could with just discussing it openly – even if they were too young to understand. Conner was not even 2 years old when Cole was born so he definitely did not understand pretty much anything, but I think he instinctually knew that was his baby brother and loved him from day one (and now they fight like cats and dogs but have the strongest bond ever).
Cole was 2 when Honey was born and very much still a “baby” even though he was 2, he was gentle and so so sweet with her. We didn’t force them to love on the new baby (and of course we watched them all super carefully around him/her) and these bonds flourished. If it doesn’t happen right away, don’t stress over it. I promise, it will happen, and it will melt your heart into a puddle when it does!
When Colly was born, the kids were all a little older (8, 6, and 3) and that as a whole other ball game. Honey was the most excited leading up to it, but the boys (specifically Conner) surprised me with how ecstatic (and territorial) they were over her once she got home. It still makes me tear up thinking about that special time. I literally had to set timers on Alexa on when it was the next ones turn to hold her – that’s how obsessed they were!!
Don’t Compare
HUGE. Huge, huge, huge.
I know this is one that can be easier said than done too, but don’t compare what you’re doing to any other moms you know or see. You’re the best parent for your baby/kiddo(s). When transitioning from 0 to 1, 1 to 2, 2 to 3, and beyond… you might think back to something you saw, read, or even experienced another mom doing and thought, “they made it look easy”. Trust me, you’re not looking hard enough. It’s not easy. Just focus on you and your babe. Do your best. You’ll have hard days but kids are so forgiving and resilient. Also, this kind of goes along with what I said in “lower your expectations” – but don’t compare what one kid did to the next. They’re all unique and every baby is different. Hang in there!
Shower At Night
I’m always usually rushing in the morning, so if I could skip that step I’d have a few extra minutes to SLEEP (if of course, the baby/kids are still asleep). For me it’s hard because of my hair (if I want it to look good all day, I have to wash it in the morning – I cannot brush it while it’s dry so showering at night is hard for me for that reason). In my case, getting up 20-25 minutes earlier will allow me to do this and get a few minutes in the morning just for me without kids pulling on me or needing food, haha.
Trust Your Gut
Kinda goes with the above. You know best! That feeling you’re feeling is valid. Go with your instinct.
Hire A Sitter
This is another we (I) still have challenges with because I can be pretty controlling. When you’re into a routine with your baby or have just had the next one and you’re comfortable leaving for a few hours, DO IT! We have someone we know and love so much and when we can occasionally hire her to the house, I always come back feeling so refreshed and thinking about when is another time we can do this again. It’s hard letting go of the reigns for most of us but loosening up is good for the soul (and mind!).
Final Thoughts – Enjoy This Time!
Obviously everyone is different, but this was my take and hopefully it can help some families who are getting ready to or just about to transition! One last thing… ENJOY these moments as much as you can!!!! It’s cliche but it does go by in a blink. They’re only this little today. Tomorrow they are one day older, closer to another year older. Take all of the videos!!! Someone told us when Conner was a baby to take all of the sleeping baby videos. It’s something I’ve held onto in my ‘core memory’ (is that how you say that new term? lol) and stuck to with each baby we’ve had.
Like I mentioned in the beginning of my post, 2 to 3 was so much easier for us. Are we pros? Nope. But I feel like after 2 kids, you really don’t sit down much…so what’s one more? And 3 to 4? Well, I’m only a little over a year into that so maybe I’ll discuss in another year or so 😉 I try my best every day, but I still lose my patience and end up winging it a lot. Stay strong mamas! You’ve got this!
